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1、Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
直译：记着，如果你在嘿咻后冒烟了，证明你整得太快了。
2、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
过了河也别拆桥，没准你还要回来呢。
3、Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
发明“鼠动无声”这词儿的哥们一定没踩上过一只。
4、Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
站在车库的你并不会变成一辆车是吧？所以站在教堂的你也不会变成基督徒。
5、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。
6、contraceptive effect: not successful, then the adult?
避孕的效果：不成功，便成人?
7、”what is the optimists who?” “the teapot is like …………… like red buttocks were burned and he still has feelings whistle!”
“什么叫乐观派的人?””这个……………就像茶壶一样，屁股都烧得红红的，他还有心情吹口哨!”
8、the past, took off his underwear to see buttocks; now, unplug buttocks to see underwear … …
关于丁字裤：以前，脱下内裤看屁股;现在，拔开屁股看内裤……
9、who says i am white, thin, beautiful ~ i like his good friend ~
谁说我白，瘦，漂亮~我就跟他做好朋友~
10、i lie like a fly in the glass, the future is bright, but can not find a way out.
我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，但又找不到出路.
11、drunk who has not satisfied me, i will help the wall!
喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!
12、burn incense and may not necessarily be a monk, but also may be the panda …
烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫…
13、money is not the problem, the problem is money!
钱不是问题，问题是没钱!
14、the most mysterious department in the history is the department concerned.
史上最神秘的部门就是——有关部门。
15、i curse your buying instant noodles without getting flavoring bags.
我诅咒你一辈子买方便面没有调料包。
16、the accountant said : “could you please come for your earnings later, because i have no change here?”
会计说：“你能晚点来领工资么，我这儿没零钱。”
17、it does not hurt feelings, when it comes to money, but it indeed damn cost money when it comes to feelings.
谈钱不伤感情，但是谈感情最伤钱。
18、although you wear some cologne, i can still vaguely smell a scummy whiff out of you.
虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。
19、i am an angel, and the reason why i can not go back to heaven is the problem of my weight.
我是天使，回不去天堂是因为体重的原因。
20、when i went shopping one day, a group of girls stopped me, saying that i was handsome. but i denied it, and then they hit me and said i am hypocritical.
有一次我上街，一群女孩把我拦住，她们说我帅。我不承认，她们就打我，还说我虚伪。
21、never treat a dried shrimp not as seafood.
别把虾米不当海鲜。
22、since there are so many deceivers, it is very obvious that idiots are not enough.
骗子太多，傻子的数量明显跟不上了。
23、we never be afraid that thieves carry their tools, but afraid they know some kind of technology.
不怕偷儿带工具，就怕偷儿懂科技。
24、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞…
b. 若XXOO是下体的痛，那么，是你操错。
25、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
26、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
27、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人**可以整段感情都是装出来的！
b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
28、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
假设我们会吃一堑，长一智，为什么总有人生了一个还会生？
29、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已
30、It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。