1、做我朋友吧！有钱带你晴空万里，没钱带你抢特价大米。
Be my friend! Have the money to take you clear blue skies, no money to take you grab special price rice.
2、我上班开宝马，旅游开路虎，接孩子开兰博基尼，买菜开奔驰，不过平时开得最多的是玩笑。
I drive a BMW to work, a Land Rover to travel, a Lamborghini to pick up the kids and a Mercedes to buy groceries, but most of the time it’s a joke.
3、我只横刀向天笑，笑完我就去睡觉。
I just smile to the sky, laugh I go to bed.
4、能不能给我转一毛钱？因为我担心我们连一毛钱的关系都没有。
Can you change me a dime? Because I’m afraid we don’t even have a dime to lose.
5、特别佩服嘴甜的人，有些话我不是说不出来，是我表情跟不上。
I admire the sweet-mouthed people in particular, some words I can’t say, is that I can’t keep up with the expression.
6、最近不敢出去玩儿了，怕别人发现我用铁饭盆干饭的秘密。
I dare not go out to play recently, for fear that others will find out the secret of my cooking with iron rice bowl.
7、专家称，眼睛千万不能连续对着手机太久，那样手机会没电。
Experts say you should never keep your eyes on your phone for too long or it will run out of battery.
8、评论的人每人送100元话费， 联通、移动、电信任选，别问我为什么，我就是想开个玩笑。
Comment of the person each send 100 yuan call fee, unicom, mobile, telecommunication optional, do not ask me why, I just want to open a joke.
9、喜欢吃一样东西是藏不住的，就算捂住嘴巴，口水还是会从指缝中溢出来。
Like to eat a thing is not to hide, even if cover your mouth, saliva will still overflow from the fingers.
10、每天都处在心有余而睡眠不足，心有余而智商不足，心有余而余额不足的状态。
Every day in the heart is willing and sleep is insufficient, the heart is willing and the intelligence quotient is insufficient, the heart is willing and the balance is insufficient.
11、你长得真好看，尤其是那眼睛，不多不少正好两个。
You’re really good-looking, especially with those eyes, no more, no less.
12、黑色显瘦是真的，我刚才照镜子没开灯，瘦的整个人都看不见了。
Black shows thin is true, I just looked in the mirror did not turn on the light, thin whole person can not see.
13、生活乱七八糟，我要多点花招。
Life is messy, I need more tricks.
14、永远不要和父母吵架，因为你吵不赢的时候只有挨骂，当你吵赢的时候只有挨打。
Never quarrel with your parents, because you can only be scolded when you can not win, and only be beaten when you win.