什么是悲剧？上帝为你把门和窗都关上，然后就去洗洗睡了。
What is tragedy? God closes the doors and windows for you, and then he goes to wash and sleep.
如果你不慎掉进了河沟，不妨想想会有一条鱼游进你的口袋。
If you accidentally fall into a ditch, think about a fish swimming into your pocket.
一个路人拦下计程车，他问司机：从这儿到机场要多久？司机：要很久的。路人：起码要多久？司机：骑马要更久。
A passer-by stopped the taxi. He asked the driver: how long does it take from here to the airport? Driver: it will take a long time. Passerby: at least how long? Driver: it takes longer to ride.
从前有个胖子，听说瑜伽能减肥。皇天不负有心人！两个月后，他变成了一个柔软的胖子。
Once upon a time, there was a fat man who heard that yoga could lose weight. Heaven is worthy of those who have a heart! Two months later, he became a soft fat man.
真是搞不懂，我出身寒门，竟然还怕这盛夏的热。
I really don’t understand. I was born in a poor family and was afraid of the heat of midsummer.
我优点挺多的，唯一不足就是余额不足。
I have many advantages. The only deficiency is the lack of balance.
蓦然回首，你咋还没走。
Suddenly looking back, why haven’t you left yet.
美酒、蜡烛、大餐，多么美妙的圣诞！唯独就缺你的钱包！
Wine, candles, dinner, what a wonderful Christmas! Only lack your wallet!
你矮是终身的，我胖却是暂时的。
You are short for life, but my fat is temporary.
女朋友问：“我和你妈同时掉水里，你会救谁？”我机智 地 答：“肯定救你，我妈妈的同事我又不认识。”
The girlfriend asked, “your mother and I fell into the water at the same time. Who will you save?” I answered wisely, “I must save you. I don’t know my mother’s colleague.”
吓死我了，打雷就打雷，闪什么电，还以为有人在帮我拍照！
I was scared to death. When it thundered, it thundered. I thought someone was taking pictures for me!
如果吃鱼可以补脑，你这智商，至少要吃一条鲸鱼。
If eating fish can replenish your brain, you have to eat at least one whale.
教练建议我拿了驾照之后，如果家里条件允许的话，最好买条路。
The coach suggested that after I got my driver’s license, if conditions at home allowed, I’d better buy a road.
喜欢一个人一定要去表白，不被拒绝一下，你还真以为自己是万人迷。
If you like a person, you must confess. If you are not rejected, you really think you are a fan.